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wolverine

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life itself today. [Oct. 28th, 2004|06:15 pm]
wolverine
well it certainly has been a while since i've posted any kind of shit on here. not that anyone fucking reads this or responds to my posts. i could care less any ways. i figured i would type a few words, to show i'm still alive for the time being. since my last post there have been many ups and downs. more downs than ups though. there is a lot to tell but i'm gonna be an ass and not say whats happened. for those of you that would like to know, feel free to IM or call me. my current status is kinda shitty. again i won't say what's happenging because i'd rather not get into it. However i will sum everything up. Basically, by the time December/January comes around, something big might be happening. I might be getting kicked out of my house and school. I have some very serious thinking and decisions to make. Really, i don't know what to do. I'm fucking confused, i wish i knew what to think and how to feel, but i don't. At this point i look at my life and it's pretty blurry. I have a few options set up and i'm willing to procede with them. One i that i could get a 2nd job or a full time one, i'd also have to find a roommat(s). I wouldn't be able to go to school for a year so i'd have plenty of time to kill and to do whatever. A second option for me is to move to Japan where i'd be living with my friend in a house/apartment. Considering that i've always wanted to go to japan and i would be going there anyways in may, i would be there sooner if things turn out to fail. If i go to japan it'll be a new life, a new way to start things over. Sure i'd be leaving a few things behind...family, a few friends, work i guess. that's it though. to be honest i wouldn't be leaving very much behind. I really don't know if there's a lot here that i really care about. I care about a lot but i'm getting impressions from things that make me not care anymore. Why be here if i'm being unhappy? Why stay here if i can't do anything for a while to precede with what i want to do? why do fucking anything here? Sometimes i wish they would have made a device that could let you erase parts of your memory from your brain forever. IF that were possible, i probably would erase a good 1/4 part of my memories. Just so those times would never come back into thought and fuck up my head....that's all. i probably won't post anything up until that time comes around. until then, i hope everyone lives well. oh yes if anyone decides to reply any negative comments to this post, i'll fucking stab you. :) buhbye
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(no subject) [Jul. 28th, 2004|04:32 pm]
wolverine
[mood |gratefulgrateful]

Just got back from the west coast of florida. Good stuff over there. Beach was great. Hot but great. I just ran and went skimboarding the whole time. Watched the sunset ever night, took some pictures and video taped a few thing. It was fun, can't wait to go back again.
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Time [Jul. 21st, 2004|04:00 am]
wolverine
[mood |mellowmellow]

well i know it's beeen a while since i've posted anything on LJ. so i figured why not write something @ 3:50 am. tonight was fun. went to boomers in dania w/darnell and andrew j. good times. drew and i had a one on one lazer tag. he got me 8 hits to my 7 :/ but that doesn't matter. did the racing karts twice. first time i had a shitty kart that was slow. second time the 3 of us had it planned to go at the same time, but darnell took off so drew and i decided to catch him and make him pay. i was seeing how me took his corners, and finally i made my move and took him within the beginning part of the track. drew had the fastest car out of the 3 of us that time. i mean how else would he be able to pass darnell and continue to bump into me. i know i didn't make one wrong move the entire time i was in the lead. but having the faster car in go-karts has an advantage. i made it up in my mind that i would do anything to win. so drew makes his move, drifts down in front of me...now, i could have hit the brakes and let him go, but instead i had to hit him in order to throw him off course. he ended up getting stuck and darnell lucky slow ass passed us. then as i was turning the next corners, the gay ass mother-fucking guy that works there told me i had to get up and not finish the course because i "smashed" into drew. he said i didn't hit the brakes. thing is i did and drew saw me hit the brakes at one point. i was pissed. i was about to curse up a storm and bash his damn face in! ok time to calm down. until next time...i shall win!!!

next tuesday boomers in dania @ noon, if anyone wants to join us...


goodnight all.
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Back In Town [Jun. 21st, 2004|02:53 am]
wolverine
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Thrice- live performances]

Wow....last tuesday through friday were the best days of my life. Seeing Thrice 4 days in a row was amazing. buying track suits and hXc dancing in the pits when it was possible, peoples heads hitting me, ben lost his glasses lens, almost getting kicked out for doing spin kicks, meeting cool kids and this one girl, and most importantly hanging out with Thrice after the show. I wish i could find a word for my past experience but i can't. I'm sad that it's over. Now i must wait until they come out with their new album to see them. I know it'll be worth it. I wish everyday of my life were like those days. Doing absolutely nothing and seeing Thrice. Sleeping late in a cold ass hotel room, watching Dave Chapelle, playing Halo, staying up late, then see Thrice everyday. Man if it were only possible.

Nick + Ben = Thrice's biggest fans...Biatch!!!
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(no subject) [Jun. 9th, 2004|07:04 pm]
wolverine
[music |thrice]

This time next week i'll be Orlando seeing thrice...a grand total of 4 times in a row....mm mm bitch!
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Sliced [Jun. 5th, 2004|04:56 am]
wolverine
Who would ever imagine that the sharpness of objects we use could be used for hurt. Or would they be used for relieving. Grasp the blade. Close your eyes. What’s left is a breath of striking pain that only last for a few seconds. Then it is gone. Have you ever held a knife so sharp? While clenching it, you feel nothing. The only sense of feeling something is the time you know when your own red blood drips out of your hand. Are you imagining this or is it real. When you close your eyes can you tell the difference? Do you really want to know the difference? These words seem so clear to me. As if I was typing them with my own hands. The thought of dreaming made my eyes open. I continued to speak through my fingers until I began to lose feeling. Why did a smirk appear as I looked down? Why did I look down, only to see that the keyboard was covered in crimson blood? I knew it was true, I did indeed and so did you.
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(no subject) [May. 31st, 2004|03:24 am]
wolverine
Well i got to ride in a 350Z tonight after work. Those moments of riding in the car made my day. There's only one word to sum those moments up. That word is......Bitchin'
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Chaos [May. 29th, 2004|03:23 am]
wolverine
The Day After Tomorrow.....

Good movie
I like seeing stuff like that happen
Think it'd be kind cool if it really did happen
Then we'd really see who the smart survivors are
Something like that will happen
But we won't live to see such a day....sadly

Go see the f**king movie. it's good.
if you get depressed or sad while watching the movie, then you need to slap yourself or get someone else to slap you. shit i'll just slap you biatch!
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(no subject) [May. 27th, 2004|02:59 am]
wolverine
[mood |What do you think...]
[music |the bled- pass the flask]

With a stride of life, my last footsteps were walking side by side along this dark corridor. Turning the corner the only thoughts I had left were the double edged words you subtlety put in my mind. The meanings finally made sense. I met your beauty with a hand wide open and the other hidden. The nerves in my body tensed up as the knife you had went through my flesh into the blood that I would’ve given for you. It’s over, there’s nothing left. No screams could even leave my mouth. The glass has been broken. So has my heart. You cut off my hands so I couldn’t dry the tears from my eyes. My legs are crushed, as I lay near death on the ground soaking in my own blood. You have nothing to say, nothing to look at, and nothing in your heart. The last thought I had of you, while taking my final breath, I know you thought the same as well. Close your eyes and die.
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Patches [May. 19th, 2004|04:16 am]
wolverine
[music |Saosin]

Walking through the back alleys of the dark to get around finding a place to rest. A moments breath can only last so long. Feeling the pain makes room for motivation. The search continues with sweat dripping down into my eyes. The humidity within the narrow shortcuts disturbs my lasting thoughts. I can feel my legs starting to give out. It’s all I can do to bounce from side to side as an act of movement. Resting for just a second to catch a breather, I think it was by accident that I found an open door. I couldn’t help but crash onto the floor once I walked past the doorway. My eyes opened not too long after and nothing had changed. Examining what I could of my surrounding and myself. Things in common there were. Emptiness was all around, I tried to fill the space, tried to patch it all up. I couldn’t get a grip on how long I’d last. Moving on past the flickering lights, I had to pause and look behind me. A brief, flash memory ran across my head. It took all my strength to remain standing as it knocked the breath right out of me. There wasn’t a clue in my mind what that meant, not yet anyways. All I could do was continue walking forward.



For days on end the walking went on and on. Sleepwalking with my eyes half open. I can see the last of darkness. Coming to a stop just to see what seems to be an eternity of a parking lot. Did this symbolize a part of me? Dropping to my knees, screaming at the top of my lungs until I fell completely over crying. Why was there piece or a blank space inside that I didn’t know what it was or how to fill it. Looking off into the horizon, it was dark enough to make the light poles turn on. Where to go from here. Is there even such a place to go to? Was there a reason to? I’m sure there was. Staring at each light, one to another, there was one that flickered from the rest. Leaning on one arm half way, I started to focus in on the light. It was almost as if it had put me into a trance. My eyes didn’t move, blink or go dry. Glimpses of memories I thought I once had swept across my face every time the light flickered. Flashes of a face I sworn I could’ve known in my life. Or so it seemed that way. Suddenly it all made sense, the light went steady for a few seconds and it was like a brief stream of film from what I saw. I then knew what everything meant. Lying back down on the cement, closing my eyes, filling the empty space. I had patched up the space that once hurt. Inside looking at the face that I was missing all along as I passed away. I was now complete.
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